Project Awesome

Making my life more awesome

I’d like to be honest, but…

on April 16, 2014

Big Girl and Small Girl have been at Ex-Husband’s for the past few days.  For the first time in a while he dropped them off at nursery and I picked them up from there.  It’s nice not having to see him.  Big Girl was wearing a new t-shirt.  Across the front was written ‘The stars shine for you’.  Nice, eh?

When Ex-Husband and I got married, our first dance was to what was probably the closest thing to ‘our’ song: Yellow by Coldplay.  You know, that song which begins with the line, “look at the stars, look how they shine for you.” You can probably see where this is going, can’t you?

When I saw the t-shirt, I instantly thought of the song.  I find it hard to believe that he didn’t.  But I also find it hard to imagine he would have knowingly put our daughter in a t-shirt which references our first dance song almost word-for-word.  I am not sure which scenario I find more hurtful, that he would choose to do that, or that the song now means so little to him that he does not think of it.

I’ve been thinking a lot about honesty recently.  It’s a Quaker value.  I think about my sense of humour, which often involves telling outrageous lies and saying mean things to people, working on the assumption that they will know I don’t mean it.  The older I get, the less hilarious it feels.  And I really struggle with being truthful without being hurtful.  For this, I think I need to work on the things inside my head, so I have fewer unpleasant thoughts to try to be honest about.

I would like to boil-wash the t-shirt and lie about it. Or lose it. Or chop it up.  Anything which means I never have to see it again.  I do not believe this would be Quakerly.  But it’s still quite tempting.



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