Project Awesome

Making my life more awesome

Roll out the bunting, I’m feeling irritated

on November 16, 2013

My children are wildly irritating.  They have irritated me all day.  They have irritated me nearly all week.  So, so, irritating.

On Thursday, when they came back from their dad’s, I thought it was because they’d had a late night at his house, and then a nap during the day, and that they were a bit unsettled by only having one night at his house when normally they had two.  That could explain them playing up.

On Friday, I assumed it was because we’d all had a bad night the night before.  I hardly slept.  Big Girl slept a bit.  Small Girl slept more than I did, but less that she should.  So we were all tired.  That would explain how annoying they were being.

By this morning, after a decent night’s sleep, with a good day ahead of us, when I couldn’t bear my children to sit on my lap, ask for a drink, ask for a cuddle, or talk to me, I realised that the problem *might* not be with them.  It’s ok, Big Girl and Small Girl: it’s not you, it’s me.

I am guessing that I have PMT.  This has not happened for five years.  Five years of pregnancy, post-natal depression, another pregnancy, chronic tiredness and then the pile of shit my life turned into when Ex-Husband left – finally I am happy enough to notice PMT.  My life is now good enough that I can be unhappy and find nothing which could explain it.

Of course, I feel like a bad parent.  I have been grumpy with my children.  I have not been fun to be with.  I have spent the past few days wishing someone would come and take them away, because being unkind to my children is excruciating.  And now someone is coming to take them away – tomorrow they are going back to Ex-Husband’s house for three nights.  I will miss them and I will be filled with guilt for not forcing myself to be kinder and more patient, and remorse for wasting my lovely time with them.

But still, at least my children are not irritating.  It’s just me.

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