Project Awesome

Making my life more awesome

All parents need a zombie survival plan

on September 3, 2012

When pregnant with Small Girl, I spent a lot of time formulating plans for dealing with a zombie outbreak. I would get Big Girl (probably just ‘Girl’ then, as there was no-one to be big in comparison to) and I’d take her into the attic and we’d climb through the velux window onto the roof. And then we’d… Well, we’d be stuck on the roof. We could try jumping down into one of the single-storey extensions but that could be dangerous, and then what would we do? Ok, maybe we’d just run for it. Would I carry her or put her in the pram? Carrying her would be tiring and unwieldy, but at least she’d be close. What if the pram got stuck and I had to try to unstrap her? That would take time. What if I was too scared and abandoned her?

And that’s the crux of the matter. Would I abandon my baby to the zombie hordes in order to save myself? When it really, really comes down to it, would I be a good enough parent?

Sadly, at Greenbelt I may have discovered the answer. And I discovered it in the play tent – a massive tent full of sandpits and painting and colouring and toy kitchens and cars and books and sofas, and outside a picket-fenced area with slides, trampolines and ride-on toys. Big Girl loved it.

And here’s my confession: on Saturday afternoon, the afternoon of flash-floods and downpours, Big Girl was playing in a car and Small Girl was sleeping in the pram, and it started to rain. I ran for my coat. The rain became torrential and I still chose to put my coat on over rescuing Big Girl from the Little Tikes Coupe.

What might have happened was that I started going for my coat when the rain was light and so finished what I was doing. Or you could argue that, like putting on your oxygen mask in a plane crash, I was making sure I was dry in order to be able to look after my children. Big Girl was in head-to-toe pink waterproofs, after all. But there was a moment where I knew she would be scared of the rain thundering down on the roof of her car, of me running for the tent, and I did it anyway. I made the choice to leave her to the zombies.

Am I a particularly selfish parent, or does everyone have their zombie moment?


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