Project Awesome

Making my life more awesome

Come back Big Girl – all is forgiven!

on August 10, 2012

Big Girl is back tomorrow evening.  I have missed her desperately.  Well, kind of.  The world is not right because she isn’t here.  But actually, it’s a lot easier.  It’s kind of nice just having one child.  Except for those moments where I’m going to bed and I think about checking on her before she’s asleep (my nightly ritual – it’s not just about making sure she’s warm. It’s about seeing that she’s still there, and feeling like I am an actual parent rather than someone who has accidentally been left with some children to look after) and then realise I don’t need to. Or when I see something I want to show her and she’s not here to see it.

I’m not really expecting it to be a completely joyful reunion. I hope she’ll be pleased to see me but I think she’ll just cry for Daddy and Grandma. And she’ll test the boundaries and I’ll have to be really firm, so she remembers how home works. And she’ll ask for things she has with Daddy and it will make me sad because I don’t really enjoy being reminded that she has another life that I’m not in.  And really, really, I’ll have forgotten how to make things work with two children.

And I think Small Girl will be pleased to see her, and I’m sure she will be pleased to see Small Girl, and all her toys.  Yes, all those toys that Small Girl now thinks are hers – there is going to be some trouble ahead.  Big Girl has a special handbag which she loves and carries round all the time.  Small Girl has been enjoying wearing the handbag for the past week while also pushing the toy buggy which is Big Girl’s.  I have a small toddler who doesn’t understand about sharing at all, and a big toddler who doesn’t understand that the small one doesn’t understand. It’s a fun age.

But it’s worth it, for that moment, just before bedtime, when I’ll look at my two beautiful sleeping children.  They’ll both be asleep and the world will be, once again, as it should.


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