Project Awesome

Making my life more awesome

Pants on fire

on July 4, 2012

Yesterday I saw Big Girl tear pages out of Little Girl’s red book (fortunately it was the boys’ weight charts, so not exactly crucial).  When I asked her, she said she didn’t do it.  I watched her push Little Girl over and then deny it.  She emptied a bottle of water over the carpet and was adamant that she hadn’t.  She had clearly stood on a box to take things off the mantelpiece and she… she lied about it.

She’s two-and-a-half.  It’s a developmental stage.  All children go through it.  I know, I know. It’s actually a sign of intelligence.  She’s worked out that I don’t know everything she knows.  Unfortunately for her, she hasn’t quite worked out that if I see her do something, I am likely to know that she’s done it. But still.  When my godson started lying really ineptly, I found it amusing.  When it’s my little girl, it makes me really sad.  I want to stop being a parent because it’s so upsetting.

So, she’s not a baby any more.  She’s developing an interior life that I’m not part of.  I know that the parent-child relationship is about increasing separateness and independence.  My aim is to see my children grow into happy, autonomous, functioning adults.  But it’s a sacrifice for me.  I love them.  I love the closeness, the dependence, being the centre of their world and the source of their happiness and comfort.

I guess we’re not in Kansas any more, Toto.


2 responses to “Pants on fire

  1. seaswift says:

    Their increasing independence is a sign of you doing a good job!

    • What I wanted to say, but couldn’t find a way of saying without sounding like I’m whining, is that for parents who are still together, their children leaving home may still be hard. But there’s a compensation in getting to spend more time with and develop their relationship with their partner. I don’t have that – I don’t have a retirement with Ex-Husband to look forward to any more. And I’m still grieving for that future. I’m sure there are still lots of great things for me to look forward to (because I’m going to ensure that they happen). But there’s not that other side of the coin for me.

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