Project Awesome

Making my life more awesome

I am not part of the Bartlett administration

on June 27, 2012

It’s been a while since I posted.  Did you miss me? I’ve not actually been anywhere, just busy.  First I had one of those nasty colds which makes your brain stupid.  Then an NCT training day and a birthday party at the weekend.  And then Monday was my birthday.  I expected it to be hard – my first single birthday in 12 years, my first birthday since the separation.  I made plans.  I was positive about the day.  I put up my birthday bunting and wore my birthday pyjamas.  And then I woke up with a horrific case of d&v.  Unusually for me, I’m not going to share the gory details but it involved fainting on the toilet without actually injuring myself, which is quite a skill.

My Dad came and looked after my children so I could spend most of the day asleep or lying on the sofa. He stayed overnight.  On Tuesday I had a belated birthday with highlights including a trip to the supermarket and the fracture clinic.  I had lots of lovely cards and presents.  I have two lovely girls.  I feel so lucky that my dad came to my rescue, and it was actually really nice to spend some time with just him, even if I was asleep for most of it.  But I still feel like my life sucks.

This may be due to having been really quite ill.  Or the fact that I struggled to get to sleep last night after spending 30 hours straight sleeping the day or so before.  Or that once I did get to sleep, Small Girl woke up for a feed at 2.30 am and refused to go back to sleep for two hours.  I also suspect that my recent West Wing obsession isn’t helping.  It’s full of smart people making important decisions and being witty and attractive while they do it.  I, on the other hand, can’t keep on top of my paperwork or my washing up.  I can’t put toys away as fast as Big Girl and Small Girl get them out.

One blog I really enjoy reading is Seaswift’s – she writes about making stuff (which in theory I like doing, if I struggle to find time in practice) and about ways to make life better.  She’s written a recent post about The Happiness Project – a way to assess what would actually make you happier and take steps to achieve it.  I used to think I was not constitutionally designed to be happy – that maybe it’s not in my personality type.  But now I’m thinking, maybe I’ll give it a go.

For now, I’m going to see if I can fit in one more episode of The West Wing before it’s time to pick the girls up from nursery.

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5 responses to “I am not part of the Bartlett administration

  1. seaswift says:

    Thank you for your comments. Deep down, Ithink everybody is struggling to make sense of life and order out of chaos. Personally, I think you’re doing a great job!

    • Thanks! It is hard to look at other people sometimes and imagine their life is as difficult as yours, or they have as many doubts as you do. I would like someone to come and make order out of the chaos in my kitchen though.

  2. Merlin says:

    Following up on your comments I looked at the happiness project. Not my thing I am afraid. Although I do think it could work for some. I wanted to write something meaninful here, but all my attempts appeared condescending so I can’t think how to word it.
    But in some ways the West Wing is a good example. They don’t get everything right. In fact they quite often balls it up. They then have to get on anyway. They aren’t always purposefully witty, sometimes life just happens. But they cope. Even when it gets really crappy (and it does at times).

    • Sometimes I try to comment on people’s blogs and everything I write seems completely trite and I end up giving up.

      I like making a plan, making lists and ticking things off. I think I apply that approach to my life as much as to work and planning Christmas. It works for me.

      The West Wing – no, they may not be constantly thinking up witty comments all the time. But they’re successful, they’re important, they’re achieving things. I know that bringing up children is claimed to be ‘the most important job there is’ (mainly by parents, it has to be said). And I will probably be one of the biggest influences there is on two people, on who they are, and on all the people they influence. So what I do, day-to-day, matters. But equally, a lot of what I do is unsatisfying drudgery which really means nothing to anyone. Today I tidied Big Girl’s clothes drawer. Actually this was quite satisfying as all her clothes were in neatly folded piles. But in reality this was the most wasted ten minutes the world has ever seen, because next time she goes to get some clothes it will all be everywhere. Anyway, I love the West Wing and it is escapism for me but it makes my life look a bit dull in comparison.

  3. […] have come and helped – notably my dad, who came and looked after Big Girl and Small Girl when I was ill on my birthday. But he was mainly looking after my children so I could get on with being ill unhindered.  And […]

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