Project Awesome

Making my life more awesome


on March 28, 2012

I bank online.  I received an email today telling me I had a secure message.  This is very rarely a good thing. Today was no exception.  I’ve missed a payment on my credit card. They’ve charged me.  If I don’t pay NOW they may not honour any payments made with my credit card. They may prosecute me. And this may affect my ability to get credit in the future.

How has this happened? I haven’t missed a payment on my credit card since… ooh… I have no idea.  Practically forever. I’m anal about it.  I have a system.  My credit card bill arrives around the end of the month, at the same time as Ex-Husband’s wages, unlike mine, which arrive in the middle of the month… Ahhh, I see what’s gone wrong.  As well as leaving me a single mum to two children and sad, tired and confused, Ex-Husband’s departure has buggered up my financial systems.  Normally, when his wages appeared in our joint account, I would transfer money into our bills account and pay the credit card.  Now my credit card statement arrives a fortnight after my wages appear (or would appear if I wasn’t on maternity leave – however, my meticulous financial planning ensures this hasn’t been a problem) and so I haven’t co-ordinated money arriving with money which needs to depart – it’s just been a bit ad hoc.

It would have been helpful if my bank had messaged me a few days before payment was due to remind me that I hadn’t paid.  I don’t mind paying my credit card bill. Obviously, they don’t do this because they want to charge me £12.50 and threaten me with legal action.  I don’t mind paying £12.50 for not paying my bill.  What I do mind is having a blemish on my credit history.  I have a pretty good credit history, due to my habit of borrowing money and then paying it back, and I need it to be intact.

The other thing I don’t like is the constant feeling that I may be teetering on the edge of falling to bits.  I am coping.  I am coping bloody marvellously.  However, it’s only ever coping and I worry that I might stop coping at any moment.  I am coping emotionally.  However, every time I have a bad day, or I burst into tears in Mamas and Papas (I know, the prices…), I wonder if this is that end of me coping.  I’m coping with the children, but every time I struggle, every time it feels like one tantrum too many, I wonder if I’m coming to the end of coping.  I’m coping with the housework, but there are days when the only thing which prevents my washing-up from engulfing the world is that I do run out of plates to use.  And sometimes I feel like I’m going to stop coping.

And the problem is that, when it comes down to it, there’s only me.  I don’t really, really have back-up – not the sort of back-up you have when you have a partner who is also the parent of your children.  I have wonderful family and lovely friends who will do as much as they can to help me.  But if I fall off a climbing wall and break my ankle, there’s no-one who is obliged to look after me and my children for six weeks.  If I fall into a big messy pit of despair and spend all day crying and then lie to everyone, there might not be anyone who notices.  If I run out of bread or milk there’s no-one to ask to just pop to the shop on the way home. I fear falling, failing, crashing and burning. Maybe more so because I’ve spent the past few months telling everyone and the internet just how well I’m doing. If you come to read this blog one day and find yourself being redirected to you’ll know I’ve stopped coping.


One response to “Coping

  1. Merlin says:

    It may be worth a phone call to the credit card company. If you have a good history then they may be willing to cancel the charges etc. like you, I pay my bill every month but a little whole ago somehow a payment was missed. I rang them and they helped. Explain the situation to them and you may be pleasantly surprised.

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