Project Awesome

Making my life more awesome

Baby clothes and tears

on February 22, 2012

I am sitting on the floor, surrounded by baby clothes, sobbing.  So many clothes, so many memories. Big Girl’s 9-12 months clothes being sorted for Little Girl to wear. Ex-Husband has asked for a few things to have at his house.  I recognise that this is an entirely reasonable request.  But I don’t want to. I can’t bear the thought of him having clothes from Big Girl’s babyhood at his house with his new partner.  I find a top that was our favourite and I can’t stop crying. How could he leave us?

I am fortunate to have so many friends, to be surrounded by love. But there is no-one who can help me with this grieving. No-one else shares the memories from these clothes, of these babies.  When Little Girl gets to two, it’ll be memories of choosing clothes on my own, of making my own choices, of how strong and resilient I have found myself to be.

Mostly, I am positive. It’s astonishing. You wouldn’t have expected it of me.  I certainly didn’t.  And I am loving sharing my journey with you.  But some parts of the journey are, quite frankly, shitty.  Today is one of them. In my next post, however, I’m going to tell you what I love about my new life – despite the sadness, there are many.


3 responses to “Baby clothes and tears

  1. zoe says:

    Have i mentioned how proud of you i am? x

  2. Merlin says:

    That you have shitty days is, oddly, a good thing. Because it means you are processing it and that you will find each day gets better. Hard though it is there has to be a grieving process. Read about the Kübler-Ross model and it will help you understand that what you are experiencing is normal and necessary.
    Hang in there. You are awesome, I’ve always thought that. You are capable of moving mountains (and even small children playing on the racecourse). Not only are you capable of moving mountains, but I am convinced you will. Your brain is too clever and too witty not to do so.

  3. celeste says:

    You’re grieving for the life you expected, which is totally understandable and normal. But from what I’ve seen (which admittedly isn’t much) you’re doing a fantastic job and your girls have an excellent role model.

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